La Muselivre

YOU, TOO, CAN CREATE YOUR OWN SERIAL KILLER NOVEL! For a limited time only, you can receive a fabulous do-it-yourself kit for creating your very own best-selling serial killer novel!

Here is a sample of the contents:

THE PRE-WRITING CHECKLIST

[...] METHOD OF MURDER:

__ wrap in plastic and asphyxiate __ wrap in nylon and asphyxiate __ wrap in Teflon and asphyxiate __ dip in paraffin __ stuff in a closet and starve __ pluck out leg hairs one by one

SIGNATURE MOVE:

__ cut open chest cavity, fill with birds, sew up with pink thread __ cut open chest cavity, fill with flashlights, sew up with black thread __ cut open chest cavity, fill with Kit Kats, staple together

You can receive your copy of this fabulous toolkit by sending $19.95 to URNUTZ Publications, PO Box 666, Frisco, TX 12345, payable to Maddy Van Hurtin. Order before October 15 and receive your choice of pink thread, black thread or staples.